Tuesday, June 27, 2006 . 4:19 PM

hospital visit

Yesterday, I took half-day leave to go for a medical appointment with a specialist at NNI. I've decided to find out whether I should go for an operation (for palmar hyperhydriosis a.k.a sweaty palms) before I leave for the States. I've been procrastinating quite a bit and have heard of people who have gone for the procedure, but I just don't think it to be absolutely necessary. Anyway, I'm not anywhere near about updating you about my condition, but more on how the visit reminded me of my childhood aspiration. Here goes...

I really love the hospital... hehee... really. Not to be there as a patient (of course) but as a doctor. I've always been imagining myself a doctor since young (quite obviously since it has been my childhood ambition)so being there yesterday morning just evoked the feeling of wanting to work in a hospital. I'm not feeling sad or bitter about anything. And if it's really God's will, I might even go to med school in my 30s and 40s (tho it seems a little far-fetched, but not impossible) It's like for that moment, I was living my life vicariously as a doctor, you get what I mean?

I imagined myself talking to my patients, having a good laugh together. I imagined doing my rounds and reassuring them that they are well on the road to recovery. I imagined the late nights which I have to commit myself to, and coping with the hustle and bustle that is going on in the hospital.

And that consultant whom I met is like how young??? At most 30, and he's already a neuro-consultant. Needless to say, he must be earning big buckeroos. The immediate tell-tale sign was the gold Tag Heuer watch which he sported. He's also married since he has a ring on his fourth finger. Hehee... that was sort of what I hope life would be like for me when I was much younger. Doctor, wealthy, start a family early (since I would then be financially stable) but hey, the Lord has led me on another path which I've never thought of taking, and it seems to me that quiet confidence and trust in Him should be the way to go.

Perhaps, it isn't good to think too far and then have your hopes dashed when you see things not turning out the way you want them to be. Instead of building sandcastles in the air, why not put a little more effort building up our relationship with God, and truly let Him chart the paths for us? Whatever it is, don't stop praying and encouraging one another... we are still "His works in progress."

As I left the hospital, a trio of very young doctors donned in their white coats passed me by. I turned my head to give them a second look.... I was glad that the "What if" question didn't devour me, instead the "What will" question (what will become of me 10/20 years down the road?)came ringing in my mind. I prefer to leave the answer to God, for not my will but Yours.

I walked to the train station and headed back to work.

dAsh